Stan, unhappy with the decisions Hayley is making for herself, decides to set her up with a proper husband. He gets her to go along by using her "activation word" which was ingrained in her.
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Francine's Chinese adoptive parents drop in. When Stan tries to find Francine's real parents, he discovers that they are selfish people who gave up Francine because she would cramp their lifestyle.
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Stan prays for a friend and thinks God sent him one, but the friend turns out to be an atheist. Stan tries to convince his friend that God exists by making his life extremely hard, but the plan backfires.
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The Smiths find out that their outstanding family vacations have only been experiences in virtual reality. Stan vows to redeem himself by taking the family on a cruise, but when they are stranded on a remote island, things get out of hand.
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Stan tries to get an unsuspecting Jeff Fischer out of his life for good by taking him on a road trip to Florida, where there is a warrant out for Jeff's arrest.
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Stan takes Steve and his friends on a cattle drive through Langley Falls in an effort to turn them into men. But when Stan eats beef tainted with mad cow disease, it's up to the boys to save the day.
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Stan gets jealous when he discovers how promiscuous Francine was in the past. He decides the only way to even the score is to divorce Francine and sow some wild oats of his own. Meanwhile, Steve gets addicted to an energy drink.
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Stan goes to great lengths to never, ever end up in a situation ending with Francine telling him, "I told you so." She lets him hook his boss Bullock up with her friend, but when Bullock accidentally kills the woman, Stan frames Francine.
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A misunderstanding at the CIA leads Stan to believe it's the end of the world. Even after he realizes his error, he keeps his family convinced they are the last people on Earth so they will respect him.
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While researching a paper about George Washington Carver in celebration of Black History Month, Steve uncovers a conspiracy that's been going on since the Civil War.
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President Bush comes to dinner when Stan wins an essay-writing contest. Hayley is determined to bring down the presidency after Roger accidentally gets Bush drunk. Meanwhile, Roger thinks he's found Osama bin Laden.
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Stan goes to the past to keep Jane Fonda from ruining Christmas, but he winds up creating an alternate future where the United States has been taken over by the Soviet Union.
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When Steve realizes he's smarter than Stan, he throws it in Stan's face and moves with Roger to New York City to become writers. There, they quickly realize they're short on street smarts when they fall in with a pretentious hairdresser.
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Stan's competitive streak is unleashed when he and Francine start ice dancing together. Stan dumps Francine to compete with Roger. Meanwhile, Steve and his friends get a mail order Russian bride.
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With Steve busy with his girlfriend, Francine decides she wants another baby. Stan, however, does not, so he secretly gets a vasectomy. But Francine discovers he still has sperm left in a CIA sperm bank.
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Stan gets mixed up in street racing to put some excitement back in his marriage. After Hayley breaks up with Jeff, he becomes video game pals with Steve. In an attempt to get Jeff back, Hayley kills Steve's beloved video game character.
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Greg introduces Stan to the Langley Falls Log Cabin Republicans. Only after Stan is taken with their fabulous ways does he realize that it's a gay group. To gain further acceptance into this wonderful group, Stan decides to become gay.
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Stan loses his confidence, and his job, when a car salesman gets the best of him in a negotiation. Meanwhile, Roger and Steve set up a makeshift drive-in to try to get to first base with popular schoolgirls.
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